a shameful pain
REACHES up
to the brain.
as unbearable as it is,
it is
overlooked,
UNSEEN,
unexpressed.
+ how to acknowledge that?
+ how to sit with that
TRUTH of self-suppression?
if only LOVE
would have been there.
less DISGUST,
more understanding,
more care,
more WHOLENESS.
less identity reduction
to physical appearance.
.
sometimes
what SHE intended
to MANIFEST
did not come true
+ potentially
it was for the better.
HE thought so, TOO,
when he read her mind.
+ when she saw that,
as she read his,
she was
HALF-HEARTBROKEN.
a classic example of
a dramatic end to
a love story,
which never started.
.
PEOPLE moved within
the given structures
of their UNIVERSES.
it was all so accustomed.
FAMILIARITY
was omnipresent.
that old LADY.
visiting worlds
OF which I’m no part OF
brings me closer
to KNOWING
where
my own world
MIGHT BE
+ who my people
ARE.
.
music: Mad World by Jasmine Thompson
.
MEET ME
at the borders between
reality + fiction.
+ as we ASCEND
in the middle,
it is UNKNOWN,
whether what happens
is REAL / NOT.
+ it shall remain
UNTOLD
what occurs
in that space.
ARE YOU WITH ME
ARE YOU WITH ME
.
music: Are You With Me by Suzan & Freek
.
shall we go out
+ PLAY?
unleash the fire
where it has potential
to BURN.
things could be simple.
+ we tend to not make them so.
if you DARE
to care,
let’s share
what’s there
ANYWAYS.
+ maybe
I’ll make
a FOOL
out of myself.
.
.
DAS GAHT DOCH NED!
the little girl said
+ tears she shed.
ach, was für en scheiss,
dass NIEMERT WEISS.
she told those GUYS,
who were far too nice
+ LEIDER HEISS.
hiding behind my device.
NEI, foti machi keis.
it was more than bla.
werum lütsch ned ah?
ich wür DRA GAH.
I like you more than slightly,
du bisch mis liebste MEITLI.
he pulled her closer tightly.
isch das WÜKI WAHR?
then let us go far,
will ich mach kei halbi waar.
keine weiss heds gstumme,
s bild isch LIECHT verschwumme.
some dreams come true,
OTHERS stay blue.
.
in case you were doubting:
the connection IS REAL.
------------------------------
+ she felt LOVED.
KNOW,
that your presence
makes a difference
in any given moment.
------------------------------
+ suddenly all those
SOULS of ancestry
were there.
embracing.
smiling.
------------------------------
SISTER,
you were missing.
.
music: If I Wrote You by Joan Baez
.
lucid DREAMS
VIVID anxieties
/ the other way round.
everything + nothing
is to be made
SENSE OF.
life as a practice
OF BEING
in different STATES.
/ no, actually,
let’s stay in europe for now,
shall we, DEAR?
.
full EMBODIMENT of the self.
what does it mean to YOU
+ how do you get to that place
Of CONNECTION?
the place,
where everything becomes
LIGHT + FLUID.
------------------------------
what will it take YOU
to UNDERSTAND,
(DEAR)?
.
music: Love to Live Again by Melanie
.
she was scared
to her BONES,
let’s admit that.
+ this was why she had to
put HERSELF
into that situation.
cause she knew,
she was hanging out
in HER COMFORT-ZONE
way too much.
------------------------------
what is MISSING?
you had asked a while ago.
EMBRACING
+ being embraced
generously.
holding
+ BEING HELD.
------------------------------
music: Te Passe Pas De Moi – Judith
.
he made a huge effort
to make her laugh
+ that was maybe
the best thing about his
TREATMENT.
+ conversations got personal.
maybe too personal,
she didn’t mind though.
+ so told her TRUTH.
.
music: Don’t Cry Sister by J. J. Cale & Eric Clapton
.
as the FULL MOON was about to rise,
there was heartbroken pain
amongst people.
they had hurt each other
with FAILURE TO LISTEN,
+ thus true connection
was impossible.
every BODY missed every BODY
+ was being miserable.
I wanted to hold them,
but couldn’t reach that far.
+ the moon was sorry
+ the sea was sorry
there was a GENEROSITY of tears,
before we all wrapped it up,
released that pain
+ went on with the OTHER STUFF.
.
music: Uf em Mond by Linard Bardill
.
among all the drama
of life
it is your SELF
you can always rely on
in the end,
because that part won’t
leave you.
+ so
it is worth nourishing,
it is worth mothering,
it is worth LISTENING to
- it might hold
all the answers
you need
at any given moment.
mothering ourselves gives us the energy
TO MOTHER EACH OTHER
.
KNOW, that
I care about you.
.
14.7.19
it was that day of the year
she tended to look back
on all the other times
it had been that day of the year.
it had always been
an EXPRESSION OF
WHERE SHE STOOD IN LIFE,
that day.
dear RANDOMNESS,
be my guest.
what do you stand for?
my journal asked me.
CONSISTENCY
(to not call it stubbornness)
.
music: Julia – The Beatles
.
the world was grey + busy.
the mind was wandering.
the PEOPLE came + went.
the trains made their sounds.
some people fell in LOVE,
some people fell out of love.
some people were getting it,
some people weren’t getting it.
a thought felt LIKE non-sense.
a thought seemed clever.
a thought led to ACTION.
a thought was dark.
one day was the day of my life,
many other days too,
some were not.
weeks passed,
WHERE DID THEY GO?
months passed.
years passed.
LIFE AFTER LIFE.
the soul evolved.
+ SO ON.
sound: me translating into SWISS-GERMAN.
everybody there kept
changing places
+ she stayed.
everybody THERE also kept
changing places
+ she stayed.
the world around her
was in fluctuation
while she became still
+ LISTENED in deep
reverence.
hoping for the fluctuations
to occur within.
.
music: Here with Me – Dido
.
to understand how
all around me is
IMPERMANENT
+ then to understand
the impermanence
of myself.
the impermanence of
all what is seen
the impermanence of
all what is lived through.
KNOW
that I miss you
KNOW
that you are in my heart
+ thoughts
KNOW
that you are loved
how ever far we’re apart.
.
music: TOO MUCH MONKEY BUSINESS (Takes 4, 10) - Elvis Presley
.
returning
to where we came from
CONFRONTS us
with our origin stories.
+ the FUNDAMENTAL
self-inquiry of
WHO WE ARE
really.
+ so I RECOLLECT
my roots, have a look
+ I plant them firmly
back into nourished ground
as I double check their stability.
before I take flight again.
TRANSFORMATION
is a slow process,
only in retrospective
do you realise it happened.
(she thought while
scrolling through her own
instagram profile)
.
I dreamt of what is
not to be dreamt of.
which seems metaphorical
for the entirety of my
life
.
.
let’s be
like SONNY + CHER
let’s sing
all those songs
let’s fall
IN LOVE
let’s believe
in that kind of narrative
let’s be
IRRATIONAL.
+ what
IF WE WOULD?
what if we would
BE,
SING, FALL, BELIEVE,
BE
?
I’m too romantic to meet you on tinder,
BOY.
.
music: Why Don’t They Let Us Fall In Love - Sonny & Cher
.
as I UNFOLD
the many layers of me,
I notice the shadows
in between them.
+ there is dust
I carefully brush off.
some of the layers
haven’t seen sunlight
for a long time
+ tend to shy away,
but I won’t let them hide
before having had a close look.
are they worth
wearing on the surface?
MAYBE.
ALMOST ALWAYS.
POTENTIALLY YES.
.
.
