we need to talk
about what’s going on in
OUR HEARTS.
we need to talk
about what’s going on in
OUR MINDS.
we need to talk
about what’s going on in
THE WORLD.
.
15.8.19
+ I don’t know
where I AM.
what I am doing
THERE
where I am.
whether it is
right/wrong/ENOUGH.
ALL TOGETHER
I wonder about life
.
+ what it asks of me.
thoughts about christmas
are stressful.
don’t even start me on
new year’s eve.
.
this morning at 7:20.
.
music: Here I Am by Emmylou Harris
.
14.8.19
it was pretty.
it was random.
it was PRETTY RANDOM.
the skies cleared up.
the clouds disappeared.
+ they met AGAIN.
they saw each other from far
+ APPROACHED each other
until they could
SMELL EACH OTHER
properly.
which is important,
YOU SEE.
(YES, how your armpits
naturally smell
influences how
the law of ATTRACTION works.
just sayin’.
of course what you consume
has an impact on that.
/ what you use to cover.
that is where
LOVE
has become complicated.)
.
music: Every Breath You Take by Melanie Safka
.
13.8.19
PEOPLE kept swiping,
red-eyed from extended
SCREEN TIMES.
distracted brains.
tired, but wired.
all the LIKES of no
significance.
+ our HEARTS
were longing
for dis-isolation,
as we had lost
the WAY OUT
of cages we had built
around ourselves.
can we stop associating
CONNECTION with
internet ACCESS?
can we share our stories
in person?
would you
MATCH ME
if we met
FOR REAL?
.
music: Love Me Tinder by Johannes Oerding
.
12.8.19
what is perceived as connection
could as well be an ILLUSION.
+ how could you ever tell,
whether it is REAL?
(if anything is ever real).
something as unmeasurable
is UNKNOWN BY THE MIND,
yet I do listen to the story
my mind is telling me.
(instead of listening to
other intelligences).
+ then
how to make sense
of the MESS?
.
sound: Hier Spricht by Cabaret Marcocello
.
11.8.19
+ as she watched those
GAMES
taking place,
she couldn’t
PLACE HERSELF
within their context.
+ felt herself exiting
through the back door
OF HER HEART,
before it could break
further APART.
SOMETIMES
we need to save ourselves
from seeing things.
like when she was
COVERING HER OWN EYES
during certain scenes of
harry potter
as a kid – because she knew,
it would do her no good
to see them.
LITTLE GIRL,
what were you afraid
to witness
(THE OTHER NIGHT)?
.
music: Le jour se lève by Patricia Kaas
.
10.8.19
+ maybe FREEDOM is
mostly a state of mind.
where is that
too OVERWHELMING?
where do I have to
step back + respect
my boundaries?
INTEGRITY also means
showing up for myself.
.
some of her borders
were irrational
+ SHE WAS WELL AWARE
of it.
some of her borders
were surprisingly
FAR OUT,
in the middle of nowhere,
almost at the end of the
WORLD.
+ she didn’t see them
from where she stood.
.
ELVIS became part of
the story
+ HE WAS WELL AWARE
of what was going on,
casually singing
AS USUAL.
.
music: Es Lama in der Pampa by Linard Bardill
.
9.8.19
in the driveway stood my BROS,
clearly looking like PROS.
(of WHAT)
style all DANDY,
gaze all sandy.
- SANDY-CANDY.
+ if someone was called mandy,
it would’ve come in HANDY.
oddly enough the train
FROM MILANO
stopped at our station.
in the middle of the night.
we took it
TO GO PLACES.
we met you.
i was taken (A)BACK
10 years straight
to high-school.
.
OH sweet surrender.
flesh so TENDER.
.
.
8.8.19
as the waxing MOON
revealed itself to her,
she glided gracefully
into a state of spring.
LIFT me up, PLEASE.
make sense of my life.
let me feel the JOY
of being where I am,
FEARLESSLY walking
the path assigned
to me.
.
maybe re-inventing
the SELF is an illusion,
as it has always existed
in its WHOLENESS
+ will eternally remain
perfect the way it is.
.
MAYBE I need to write
about the same things
AGAIN + AGAIN
in order to understand
myself within their context.
MAYBE I need to quote
myself.
.
sometimes there is clarity
AMIDST THE MESS.
when it hits you,
make the MOST out of it.
.
ELVIS was sitting
in the other room,
casually playing his guitar,
while SHE made
their afternoon tea.
+ suddenly she had
a deep sense of being
HOME.
love me tender.
.
music: When My Blue Moon Turns to Gold Again by Elvis Presley
.
7.8.19
+ I miss
ALL OF YOU
who’ve ever meant
anything to me.
+ I miss
all the places
I’ve ever
LIVED IN.
+ I miss
the person I was,
the things I did.
change is a constant
EVERYDAY BUSINESS.
– maybe the most constant
EVERYDAY BUSINESS.
+ yet it tears
my heart
APART
at times.
+ yet I struggle
to ACCEPT it.
.
music: Beautiful People – Melanie
.
6.8.19
catch me IF YOU CAN,
I would be quite delighted.
yes, I MEAN IT, man.
+ fires were IGNITED.
SAVE ME
from all the illusions,
when almost lovers
RANDOMLY appear
in my dreams.
[you can’t be SERIOUS.]
BUT THEN AGAIN,
who’s ever serious?
+ dreams are all
DELIRIOUS.
when life is
UNEVENTFUL,
dreams aren’t.
all kinds of dreams.
DEAR ME.
.
music: Hands on You (Acoustic) by Ashley Monroe
.
5.8.19
+ as I RETREAT
into myself,
I see,
what doesn’t
surface easily.
what stays
HIDDEN + buried.
what takes
COURAGE
to look at with
HONESTY.
.
sound: reading the text 7.3.19
.
4.8.19
insecurity casually
OVERRIDES ME
+ I wish to vanish.
+ then
how to step back
into VISIBILITY?
sometimes I feel
you don’t see me.
+ YES,
I know my hypersensitivity
is INCOMPREHENSIBLE
- impossible to grasp
at its edges.
DON’T ASK.
I barely manage to
MANAGE MYSELF,
so how could you possibly
be expected to?
emotional attachment
seems INAPPROPRIATE.
+ then
how to work with that?
/
where self-acceptance,
SHAME + denial clash
against each other,
I’m confronted with
human weaknesses
OF MINE.
+ then
how to acknowledge that?
.
music: La stella più fragile dell'universo by Ultimo
.
3.8.19
OF COURSE
she was dreaming of
being LOVED
+ LOVING with
the entire capacity of
HER HEART
(AKA being allowed
to do so).
OF COURSE
she was dreaming of
being EMBRACED
being HELD
+ hugging deeply
CONNECTED
to each other’s bodies,
hearts, spirits
(on the level of
INTERWOVEN CELLS).
OF COURSE
she was dreaming of
being the love
of someone’s life.
but YOU SEE,
that story might not belong
to this life’s path.
+ it was going to be OK.
+ she was going to be FINE.
even if society’s narrative
was trying to convince her
OTHER WISE.
.
music: Mon Piano Rouge by Patricia Kaas
.
2.8.19
NO COMPROMISES
for her art,
(how EVER that term
is understood)
even if it led her
to extreme exposure,
to RADICAL acts,
to IRRATIONAL choices.
at times she was merely
a channel bringing forth
what wanted to find
expression.
it had nothing to do
with HER personally
+ everything with
allowing that source
to FLOW THROUGH
her + take shape.
+ SO
she listened
ATTENTIVELY
+ did
what inspiration asked
HER to do.
ABOUT CREATING.
- in any context really.
.
CASUALLY
waving back at the children
watching me DANCE.
WHAT ELSE?
.
music: Princess by Tami T
.
1.8.19
it was another day of
RELEASING what was
not needed anymore,
CREATING SPACE
for dreams
yet to come true.
+ do you still have dreams
for your future?
I WANTED TO ASK YOU.
+ some questions have
UNCLEAR answers.
MAYBE she was tired of
wanting more than
she had.
MAYBE she was not
courageous enough
ANYMORE
to chase that dream
of hers.
+ isn’t that sad.
the tiny little girl was
stomping her feet
FURIOUSLY
+ screaming
IN PROTEST.
.
music: Schwan by Gölä & Band
.
31.7.19
coming HOME TO MYSELF.
shift of focus towards my insides.
MOTHERING what is in the
beginning stages of growth.
creating space for me
to be held by
WHO I AM.
.
a random guy talked her up
on the street,
looking at her,
as if she was a piece of meat.
INSTANT DISGUST.
‘feel like coming to the river with me?’
- ‘no, thank you.’
‘excited to do anything else with me?’
- ‘no, I really just wanna go home.’
‘you’re boring.’
- ‘yes, I might be.’
‘boring is SHIT. everything you’re saying
is SHIT. probably you’re SHIT, too.’
+ he left.
GO FUCK YOURSELF IN THE CORNER,
FUCKING PERVERT,
she wanted to scream,
but unfortunately was
too polite for that.
.
I’m WORTH so much
more than that.
I deserve to be treated
with respect
+ to be seen
for the beauty of
my ENTIRE BEING.
.
music: Pay Gap by Margo Price
30.7.19
their CONNECTION
was quite one of sorts.
IN FACT
she hadn’t been met with
one of such nature
before.
the UNIVERSE kept circling
them around each other,
until they were able
to do so themselves.
just LIKE MOON + SUN,
it thought to itself,
they, too, needed some time
to understand
the POTENTIAL
of their CONNECTION
related to the rest of
EARTH’s being.
please don’t hang me up
on the scientific details,
this is a LOVE STORY.
- which ultimately everything is,
go ask the universe.
it’ll tell you something about love.
.
music: Fever by Peggy Lee
29.7.19
she was so
IN LOVE
with him,
she couldn’t
stop smiling.
+ it was contagious enough
to MAKE ME SMILE myself.
+ there was a part of me
wishing for
the FREEDOM
to be in love so
FULLY + whole-heartedly.
--------------------------
the smell of the place
made me feel like home.
more than my actual home.
--------------------------
OCEAN CHILD
the wind so mild
if only she was there
will ich vermisse s meer sehr.
--------------------------
music: Fingt Ds Glück Eim? By ZüriWest
.
28.7.19
random MEETINGS
led to high outcomes.
+ POSSIBLY
this is how life is working.
+ what if
THE RANDOMNESS OF LIFE
is just another tool of
FATE?
on the other side of the spectrum:
BE WITH PEOPLE,
who raise your energy
+ get the best out of you,
BUT MOSTLY
be with people.
(I keep reminding myself)
.