18.4.19

who is that person, you’re always writing about?, HE asked HER.

 

it’s ME, it’s YOU, it’s EVERYONE. 

it’s the individual person, it’s HUMANITY in general.

it’s DIVINITY and all it contains - 

YOU + ME

for example.

 

HE let that sink for a while.

 

but then, why do you use HE and SHE?, HE asked.

 

it’s a matter of style, I suppose… and then there’s that secrete romantic part of me who believes I’m manifesting something here…

 

OH, you should have seen that SPARK IN HIS EYES the moment HE leaned in to kiss HER. 

16.4.19

I can’t play the drums or the guitar,

but I can play the spoons, also called SPOONING.

- Julia, du bisch en Löffel 

- dumms cheibe Löffelzüüg! 

***

tinder is like McDonalds 

- FAST + UNHEALTHY.

***

I wrote this song on the way to teaching a class yesterday evening.

It is dedicated to my generation, which will later in history be remembered as THE TINDER NATIVES - a generation of low reproduction rates due to the lack of capability to find the right match. 

Unfortunately the song only works in Swiss German.

***

I love LAUGHING ABOUT MYSELF, it is such a liberating thing to do and I love myself to be able to do so. 


15.4.19

the realization that we are living in the present moment only,

can’t hold onto it though,

takes a lot of LETTING GO

-      mostly letting go of the PERCEPTION TO BE IN CONTROL OF LIFE,

which we never really are.

 

this potentially throws me off track.

I am learning not to constantly try to catch control back,

as SUCCEEDING IS AN ILLUSION.

 

***

Oh, now I remember,

I dreamt about YOU last night.

we were catching a train together. 

tea cups in our hands, in the middle of life,

immersed in deep conversation,

eye contact intact. 

14.4.19

OVERWHELMED BY FREEDOM

left unheld

hanging in the ether

free fall.

 

HOLD ON TIGHT

make things right

put TOGETHER

what fell apart

beneath my hands.

***

how OUR BODIES SPEAK TO EACH OTHER is probably more profound than any spoken word – energetically speaking. 

***

where ON EARTH did that (..) come from?

why here and now?

this doesn’t make sense,

why would anyone?

what a story!

how hilarious!

 

and so forth.. 

 

12.4.19

UNDERSTANDING unrelated to form, origin, context.

 

it is not to be explained by the rationality of the mind,

but rather the WISDOM OF THE ENERGETIC BODY.

an instinct so deeply rooted,

guiding its container towards

IN DEPTH CONNECTION

Through its own language we all know

-      if we do let ourselves know.

11.4.19

just as I am settling in

I feel the urge to RUN.

run far, far away

from all what could possibly be COMMITMENT.

 

I’m so scared of change,

that I have to constantly throw myself into it.

(or I’m scared to be swallowed by the mundanity of daily life in society, also called ‘what most people do most of the time and what they do on Sundays’.)

 

simultaneously I’m clinging to my routines

as if they were the love of my life.

-      which they might be. 

WHO KNOWS. 

10.4.19

she was lying in deep relaxation as suddenly pictures of Harry Potter started floating by her inner eye and she thought about HOW THE STONE OF WISDOM COULD BE A METAPHOR FOR YOGA. 

do you remember the mirror in which each person sees their DEEPEST WISH?

she wondered, what she would see in that mirror. 

it made her slightly melancholic, that she didn’t know and couldn’t come up with anything.

when had she stopped DREAMING?

(is this what happens, when you grow up?)

***

we all watched her EVOLVE.

some of us liked it, some of us didn’t.

SHE DIDN’T FUCKING CARE. 

(and that’s what I love most about her, he thought and smiled to himself.)

9.4.19

TOILET MATTERS

according to public toilets in many countries male identifying people are shown as the neutral human figure sign and female identifying people are shown as the human figure with the skirt. 

I just realized yesterday, how discriminating public toilets are. apart from the fact, that people who don’t identify with this binary system are completely ignored, these signs hold quite some social prejudice, seemingly saying: “there is the universal human and then there are women”. 

while I wasn’t sure, where I stand on the ‘should we separate toilets or not’-debate for a long time, I do now think, we should stop separating – it would make things a lot easier. 

waiting times per amount of people would be equal (on that note: it is a fact, that female bodies do have smaller bladders, which is why women have to pee more often than men – any rational conclusion of this would be, that there have to be more toilets for women than men… just sayin’). in the end we are all human beings.

this of course throws up many questions. “what about the pissoirs?!” – sure, I get that. it makes me wonder, why there was a special peeing toilet invented for men, while we women never got our specialized toilet (personally I’m thinking along the lines of squatting, what do you think?). 

I also catch myself thinking “well, it is quite nice to go to a bathroom, where only women are, it is somehow a safe space”, - is this a feeling I adopted, because of the culture I grew up in? wasn’t it nice ‘to go to the bathroom together’ with your girlfriends in high school, when you really needed to talk about personal matters? – which just shows how complex the topic is. 

I can also hear these:

“I don’t want to pee/shit when a person from the opposite gender is in the bathroom”. really? all human beings are hopefully peeing and shitting on a regular basis, so please, let’s get over it and UNLEARN TO BE ASHAMED of such basic bodily functions.

“I don’t want men to know, that I have my period / I don’t want to see period blood”. another physiological function we should stop being ashamed for – period blood is the very material we were all surrounded by during the first nine months of our existence in the wombs of our mothers, it is literally part of where we all came from. 

in any case, I think we should consider the signs on toilet doors. 

maybe a sign with a vagina and one with a penis – even that would be more respectful, because it takes the subject down to physical facts, unrelated to what a person is identifying with or whether the person is wearing a skirt on that day.  

8.4.19

LIGHT sinking in from above

darkness RISING softly

SUN + MOON looking into each other’s eyes from afar

as we all AWAKEN

the earth keeps rotating around itself

UNITING night + day, light + darkness

making NO DIFFERENCE between the two

treating them as EQUAL qualities of herself

what is she teaching us?

7.4.19

the lady with the cat was exactly how you would imagine her.

wise, but too shy to share much of her wisdom.

a shyness which often came across as arrogance.

she possessed many books stapled on top of each other along the walls of her tiny, tidy and elegant apartment.

she didn’t need much, neither did her cat.

nobody knew where she had come from and nobody knew for how long she had been there.

her presence though seemed to be an essential energy to the little town, as if it was partly responsible for holding up its structure and outlook. 

6.4.19


in the end of the day, we’re all just TRYING. 

trying to make sense of the world we were put into.

trying to figure out where our place is and what it is, we’re supposed to do.

trying to progress and develop. 

trying to express what we experience and learn.

trying to ‘build a life’ (if you are alive, you have a life, is what i tell myself on that point).

trying to connect. 


it is real, at the same time not as it is also just a play, a TRYOUT. 


aka the HUMAN EXPERIENCE on planet earth


***


[fragmented dialogue]

wish I could 

you mean 

I can’t 

not 

no release 

OF

free to 

hold it together 

tight 

why nothing 

flowing 

is stopped. 

what needs to flow first, are your tears, you know. 


4.4.19

the world is turning

CAN YOU FEEL IT?

we are learning

as we sit. 

 

all is CHANGING

every day

the world singing

has more to say

in its being

than we ever may.

 

He said: but don’t we all belong to this world? isn’t it ALL ONE and stuff?

well, she said, are we behaving like that?

TRUE STORY, BRO.

don’t call me bro, call me LOVE, please.

 

love you, LOVE.

love you, too, LOVE,

and of course you’re right,

 

ALL IS ONE

we do belong

to this world’s song. 

 

2.4.19

DETACHMENT

you’re teaching me to not get involved with the drama of life,

to not IDENTIFY with what I do, what I feel, what I have.

the thing is,

my soul is having a HUMAN EXPERIENCE on this earth.

to be HUMAN means,

I do ATTACH

to people, places, things,

TO WHAT I DO.

I will feel hurt,

because I’m VULNERABLE.

let me have the experience,

instead of me suppressing emotions,

letting my coping-mechanisms override 

all I FEEL.

 

to feel 

LOST, REJECTED,

UNPROTECTED..

all belongs to being human.

so do LOVE + JOY

on the other side of the spectrum.

 

‘you’re very good at taking physical pain, not so much at taking emotional pain. but you can’t avoid that, LIVING LIFE means, that you will be hurt again and will have to learn how to deal with that’,

my support AK told me many years ago. 

well, it’s still true, I notice though.

I notice how I immediately suppress all reaction and shut myself down when I get hurt.

I notice how I get upset about that.

I try to sit with the emotions and deal with them

through PRACTICE.

through WRITING.

1.4.19

to STUMBLE + FALL on your face

is maybe just a chance to kiss the earth + GROUND DOWN,

before collecting yourself + getting back up.

 

(and maybe you will even find a new way to RISE up..?)

 

LOSING CONTROL over things

I thought I could control

but actually can’t

is like losing control twice as much.

30.3.19

where are you?, he asked.

HERE, she answered. 

where is HERE?, he asked. 

HERE is where I am, where YOU are, where WE are, she answered.

I can’t see you, he said.

then you’re not really HERE, she replied.

how can I be HERE?, he asked. 

not much you have to do, really. just ALLOW YOURSELF TO ARRIVE, she said. 


it was really that simple.

and he finally saw her. 

***


suddenly she saw the picture clearly, 

knew how it would feel,

knew it was supposed to be.

‘Great, now I can just allow it to happen.’

and so it did. 

***

I don’t know why or how,

but I KNOW

-which is more relevant.

***

what if 

it is not what you do [with people]

but how you are [with people]

that creates the magic radiating from you?


stealing secrets moments today.